Should I Change My Name After Marriage?

No, Yes, Maybe. When you marry, you are free to keep your own name, take your husband's name or, if you wish, adopt a completely different name. Your husband can even adopt your name, if that's what you both prefer but I suggest you think carefully when you ask yourself "should I change my name after marriage".

I didn’t really seriously think about whether I would change my name after marriage until after I was married and had to fill out some form or other.  Then, I began to observe the different (or absence of) results of having married a Turk. 

Okay, mind you, I did not think that to change my name after marriage would be to “obey” my male partner, one of specific traditions that at some level included women subjugating themselves to their husbands.  We lived in America and he had no say in this area (well, in most areas).

I believe the one striking thing that actually made me laugh at people’s assumptions was that after I did change my name after marriage, I went back to school.

The first grade report that came in the mail had my married name, my address, my social security number, and the usual other info (grades, units earned, GPA, etc.).

On the reverse side of the computerized printout, however, was an interesting little piece of data: there was a templated list of ethnicities with a blank box next to each ethnicity… except for the one which identified the addressee/student. 

This white girl had been transformed, with one stroke of the computer keys, to a middle easterner.  And the only thing easterner about me is that I grew up on the east coast of the U.S...

At present really were no other notable benefits, per se, once I decided to change my name after marriage.  Yes, I know, the opposition will sputter and fight, but there are no tangible benefits.  Symbolically, I suppose, a woman “gives herself” to her man, expresses her respect, devotion, and obeisance, and agrees without saying so that his [male] status, ego, or heritage/namesake is superior in some way. 

But I digress and leave the argument up to those who have more time and interest in finding deeply-seated misogyny in contemporary gestures like the gesture to change my name after marriage.  That is all it is, really.

I presume what takes more importance—and a tad more effort—is jumping through the hoops to ensure administrative duties, with regards to choosing to change my name after marriage: I had to provide a certified copy of my marriage license (the one with the raised stamp—NOT a photocopy) to a few different institutions, so I had five authorized copies made, to start.

I showed the Department of Motor Vehicles I had changed my name, and paid the few bucks to do so, which is the equivalent of changing your address.  (This depends on what state you live in, as does whether you need to show the certified marriage license copy.  And while I did not do this last one, many “devoted” wives with the name change that sticks will want to notify and complete forms for the Social Security Office.

Give some careful thought to what name feels best for you. You can save yourself considerable time and trouble by making sure you are happy with your choice of name before you change any records. Any change other than taking your husband's name will probably require a petition to the court. So once again when you decide to get married ask yourself this question again and again " what are the advantages and disadvantages if I change my name after marriage".

Resources

Change My Name? - Did anyone here keep their last name (female I should add) after getting married? Did your partner have a huge issue with it? Why would you want to change your name? What about the potential children? I'm having a heated debate with a friend.

Name Change Law - I'm a woman who is planning to be married soon. Do I have to take my husband's name?

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